Strengthening Relationships. With Kids. And Deity.
Okay, so I think I found the point of my last post through the comments section. (What blogger doesn’t love the comments section?)
It doesn’t really matter whether kids are technically “rational” or not, achieving cooperation is all about the connection, or feeling, in the relationship. As Nat2 reminded me, since we are the adults, it falls on us to do the majority of the “bridge building” — we are responsible for doing the things that maintain connection.
That can be a lot of work sometimes though, huh?
Then again, it feels like a lot MORE work to try to get my kids to cooperate (without resorting to coercive tactics) — when they’re not connected. When they are, it’s a breeze. So the extra proactive effort is definitely worth it.
Anyway, so this got me thinking about something else; forgive me as I take this post in an entirely different direction.
For any new readers who may not know, I am a Mormon. As members of the LDS church, we talk a lot about building and strengthening our faith in God and how important this is.
I’ve heard critics complain that the list things we are asked to do (pray morning and night and at meals, read scriptures daily, fast, go to the temple, hold Family Home Evenings, do home or visiting teaching, and fulfill our various church callings), either
- is way too much, you don’t have time to do anything else, or
- shouldn’t be necessary to maintain faith
My response to the first is just that whenever I am thoughtful enough about making time for those things, my whole life seems to flow smoother and I end up with way more time than I ever have when I’m “too busy” to pray or read my scriptures. (Not that I’m perfect at any of those things, mind you, but honestly, it does make a difference and it is always my experience that doing those things seems to create time, rather than take away from it, if such a thing is possible!)
But the response to the second is so obvious, especially in light of this realization about my relationship with my kids. I have to put in time and effort to build my relationship with them. I have to take the time (and ask my Heavenly Father for the patience) to be thoughtful with them and be willing to slow down, backtrack, be playful or silly or understanding or compassionate.
If I didn’t do those things consistently, life with kids would be utter misery! I would have no relationship to “stand on,” if that makes sense. And I need that relationship in order for (a) my kids to feel connected to me enough to be willing and able to follow my guidance and leadership, and (b) me to feel connected to and loving of them enough have the strength and motivation to continue to be gentle and patient and all the rest!
The same idea applies to my relationship with God (although in a backwards kind of way, as He’s not the one requiring my patience and compassion!) He is open and available always but I must do my part to strengthen my relationship with Him. That’s what I’m doing when I pray to Him and read His words and follow Him by serving His children. And not surprisingly, the more I do those things, the stronger my faith grows and the closer I feel to Him.
How could I expect to have a loving, trusting, strong relationship and faith in my Heavenly Father, if I don’t do any thing to cultivate it and help it grow? In light of what would happen to my relationship with my kids — or my husband, for that matter — if I did nothing to strengthen it, it’s surprising that anyone would question, much less criticize, my need to be diligent in doing those things with God.
Anyway, that’s all for the spiritual enlightenment from me today! I’m off to sew some more diapers, if this baby with the seriously stinky toots sitting on my lap will let me get anything constructive done!
Katie
I posted on my blog about my belief that the list of church requirements shouldn’t be required to maintain a testimony. You worded and explained it differently as requirements to maintain *faith* and a *relationship with God*.
As of yet, I still cannot get behind the idea that these things are required to maintain a relationship with God, although I agree that they may be required to maintain a testimony of the Church. Of course I am considering those two to be very different things. I think that to truly maintain a relationship with God, all you should have to do is meditate and commune with him. This would obviously be called ‘prayer’ by most people. But the rest of the list I’m not so sure about. Of course I’m coming from a point of very low faith, rather than a True Believing Mormon point of view.
Simply Mother
I guess I was thinking those things were all just kind of connected, each requiring us to DO something about them — they’re not likely to get or stay very strong if we don’t do our part. I remember your post (it wasn’t the only time I’ve heard that concern, but it definitely was part of what triggered these thoughts), and didn’ t you say something in there about it being the same with everything in life — like running or playing an instrument or … understanding calculus (which I did at one time!). If we don’t do the things we need to do to keep up with them, we’ll lose the ability or knowledge.
I view all the things I listed as things God has given us to do to strengthen our faith (and testimony). Like a guitar instructor telling his student which things to practice, how much, and for how long, because he is wise and experienced in it and knows what is needed to be a good guitarist.
Katie
Yeah, I did make that comparison. But now I’m thinking that really all that should be required to have a relationship with God is mental communion with him. But I could be wrong :-)