Simply Mother

I wanted to respond to this comment but thought some of you who might be interested would probably miss it if I left it in the comments section, so I’m making it it’s own post.

[The Usual Disclaimer applies: Her comment spurred an interesting train of thought for me; I write to think; Some of you like to hear my thoughts; If I ever sound the least bit preachy, just know, I'm preaching to myself; Take what fits for you, leave the rest; Disagree with me if you want but don't hate me, I couldn't handle it.]

She writes that she was concerned at first when family members used these creative, distraction-type techniques with her child because she thought it wasn’t getting to the “main root of the problem.” She has come to realize, though, that it really is useful in lightening the mood, and it actually makes it easier for her son to handle it the next time.

I so know what she means about wanting to get to the root of the problem. I used to get annoyed with my husband whenever he did something to distract our first little toddler because I felt like the issue needed to be “dealt with” right away. Let her know that it just CANNOT happen ever again.

But I am here to tell you that a) That doesn’t work, and b) Everybody feels a whole lot more joyful when we use the creative method. And isn’t joy what life is all about?

The mystical fail-proof method

Nat also suggests in her comment that she is way too practical and needs help remembering to be creative in these kinds of moments. Well, I think she and I are a lot alike. A part of me really, really thinks there should be some way–some technique or method or tone of voice that will convey to my sweet little child that she just Will. Not. EVER. Do. That. Again!

But it turns out, there are reasons kids keep doing the same frustrating things over and over again and it’s not simply that they don’t know you don’t like it. (So it follows that telling them, in no uncertain terms, how MUCH you don’t like it, or even what you will do to them if they do it again, isn’t likely to change anything!)

Better to figure out the reason and work with that, than to try to “drill” something into the head of a child honestly too young to even understand that you HAVE a point of view different than hers, much less make sense of it.

I think children mostly want to behave, and often the “root of the problem” really is something along the lines of: tired, hungry, sad, bored, frustrated, inexperienced, or just plain developmentally unable to understand . . . and then the creative solution really is getting to the root!

Men are that they might have joy*

Even if we believe all of this and really, really want to creatively work with our kids to handle tough situations rather than just do things to them to make them do it our way, I think we all have times when we are at a loss and we resort to “Just Stop!” kind of methods.

So it won’t be difficult to recognize which feels better–to kids of course, it’s obvious which one they would prefer, but to the parent as well. I know I feel a whole lot happier when I lighten up and get the laughter flowing rather than inducing tears!

Which reminds me of a wonderful quote I read in this month’s Ensign (the magazine for the LDS church):

President David O. McKay (1873–1970) said that the principal reason the Church was organized is “to make life sweet today, to give contentment to the heart today, to bring salvation today. …

“Some of us look forward to a time in the future—salvation and exaltation in the world to come—but today is part of eternity.

(The whole article is excellent and can be found here: The Influence of Righteous Women)

I love reading things like this because it reminds me of what’s important, what I should be seeking in my daily life. The things that are really right bring us joy. We are meant to be a joyful people and I want my children to remember a joyful childhood.

Here’s to spending more time doing the things that bring us true happiness, and avoiding the kinds of talking and attitude that remove all joy from the situation!

*2 Nephi 2:25 of the Book of Mormon

Filed in: parenting • self-reflection • spiritual | August 26, 2009