Simply Mother

Today I helped the girls clean their room and we set up some rules to keep it from getting out of control and then I actually made myself enforce them throughout the rest of the day.

“Enforce” might be a little misleading because there is not even a semblance of force required. All that’s needed is a reminder, something like, “Are you finished playing with those blocks?” To which, at least the 5-year-old responds, “Oh yes!” and then puts them away. The 2 (okay, she’ll be 3 in a couple weeks)-year-old needs a little more guidance–”Here, let’s take these blocks back to your room before you get the cards out, I’ll take these, will you take those?”

As long as I stay positive and keep the focus on getting the job taken care of rather than making her do what I say (even if this means I’m the one to do it some of the time), I keep things from turning into a power struggle, make sure the job gets done so she knows I’m serious about it (and that that’s my main concern, and not that she jumps when I say jump), she almost always agrees and my experience with this is that whatever it I’m trying to teach them to do eventually just becomes a habit–or at least something they’re willing to do easily with a light reminder.

This is one of the reasons parenting is so tricky right now. Kids are so trusting. As long as there are no underlying power issues, they’ll pretty much believe anything I say–and agree to do almost anything I suggest is a good idea, no punishments or rewards required.

This is fantastic, of course, exactly how I think it’s supposed to be, but also exactly why it’s tricky. Because they are so willing to do whatever I say (or at least agree to it at first, whether or not it ends up being something beyond their actual ability to accomplish or not), it’s hard to know when I’m expecting too much given their age, and when I’m overstepping my bounds entirely–requiring them to do something that really should not be in my domain to decide about.

I have several examples of the second one–whether it’s something I, as the wise and caring parent should require (or even just request), or whether it’s something so personal that no one should ever try to compel another person to do. I can make a logical case on either side for things such as eating healthy foods, using the toilet instead of a diaper, reading, writing, studying certain subjects, reading scriptures, saying personal prayers, keeping their own rooms clean, and a million other things.

All things I definitely have strong beliefs about, and there’s no argument in my mind as to whether it’s the parent’s place (and duty, obligation, privilege) to communicate her values to her children and encourage her children to adopt them too. The thing I’m sometimes unsure of is what’s the best way to encourage them.

I really like the Thomas Jefferson Education model of homeschooling, and one of the basic tenets is, “Inspire, not Require.” Inspire–do the things yourself, talk about the reasons you think they’re important, ask them if they’d like help, but, if it’s something you really hope they’ll do and want to keep doing, you probably don’t want to just tell them they have to whether they like it or not! I think I love this, and as I’m slowly figuring out how it works (in our home, at least), I’m becoming more confident that this is the way I want to go.

Speaking of which, I keep getting emails asking about homeschooling and I do plan on writing a post or seven about what we’re doing and how on earth I think I can manage it when just short of two years ago I was as certain I could/would never homeschool as I was six years ago that I would never have a baby without medication! Hmm.

So maybe I’ll get around to writing that up, since you keep asking! But first I really probably oughtta update Flickr because some of you are dying to see pictures of this little bundle of sweetness who just fell asleep in my lap.

Filed in: home education • parenting | June 3, 2009