The In-Arms Phase
I read this article by the author of the Continuum Concept a month or so before this new baby was born and thought maybe I’d try it–the constant contact thing.
I did it somewhat with Jade, my second daughter (who is the one in all the pictures in this post, since I’ve yet to upload any with Carrie in a sling), but not to the extent advocated by Liedloff. I wore or held her a lot, and definitely any time she wanted me to, but I would put her down when she was sleeping, or even contentedly awake. Liedloff claims that it is the constant, 24-hours-a-day contact that creates these amazing, non-crying, never-colicky, soft, pleasant babies.
I generally like the idea of baby-wearing, and enjoy the convenience of an extremely portable baby who can just sleep anywhere I go and is otherwise content to hang out in a sling on my hip as I go about my business, but I’m really wondering if there’s really any measurable difference in babies who are literally held ALL the time as opposed to just MUCH of the time, including any time they seem to want it.
Jade wasn’t always so content, she even went through a few spells of crying for no discernable reason in the evenings, even though I was holding and/or nursing her. Would Liedloff really claim this is attributable to the fact that I occasionally placed her on a blanket on the floor to watch her look around and coo at me? Or that I would nurse her to sleep and then, when she was completely out, I’d get up and leave the room, not to “re-attach” until she stirred again?
More likely, if it’s even true that cultures like the Yequanna have babies who never cry, I suspect our differences have more to do with other factors, such as our diet, or maybe clothes and carseats and other essential parts of our society that don’t exist in Stone Age civilizations, than to just the fact that our babies aren’t constantly touching another living body.
I could be wrong though, I really don’t know. I wish I knew more “baby-wearers.” I don’t know any locally, and have no idea what proportion of my small readership here likes to keep their babies physically attached at least most of the time–if you do, please share your experience with it.
Because here’s the thing: I love holding my baby, I love toting her around in some kind of carrier all day, I love the convenience of the sling, of having my hands free, even when nursing most of the time. I love sleeping with her snuggled up next to me and I truly am sleeping great (I told you I look forward all pregnancy to getting baby on the outside so I can actually get some sleep!), even though she wakes up several times a night (some nights) to nurse.
It’s true what they say, it’s really not so much a disturbance to nurse in the night when baby’s right there next to you. I hardly have to wake up at all, our bodies are just so in sync with each other–I kind of notice her squirming and rooting a bit and almost in my sleep I pull my shirt up to allow her access and maybe help her get latched on and then we both fall right back to sleep. I can’t imagine having to actually get out of bed, go into another room, sit down and nurse, and then try to get baby back to sleep and in her crib before I can finally go back to sleep. I’d go mad! That’d be worse than the horrid pregnancy-getting-up-to-pee-seventeen-times-a-night that I just endured for nine months, no thank you!
Anyway, what was I saying? Oh, so yes, I love baby-wearing, but guess what? For the first time ever, it’s starting to hurt! I’ve never experienced pain with any carrier before–and I used just the one shoulder ring sling for the first few months with Jade before needing to get out the wrap and eventually making a mei tai for extended periods.
But my shoulder/neck area is already aching at the end of the day, even with the mei tai or Moby wrap. The only carrier that so far doesn’t create pain is my Ellaroo wrap, boy do I love that thing, but man! Why does my most comfortable carrier also have to be one that makes me look like I live in a Stone-age tribe from South America?
I bought a used Moby Wrap (which differs from the Ellaroo in that it is made of knit–i.e. stretchy–fabric) and it is more comfortable than expected, and I love that it’s so easy to pop her in and out of it without taking it off–but the stretch makes it less supportive, and my shoulders ache after a few hours. Even with this tiny one-month-old.
Are there any other carriers out there that are made from the same type of fabric as the Ellaroo (i.e. woven, but light and not HOT like the expensive German ones. I’m in TEXAS, yo.), but not so, um, ethnic looking? I mean, ethnic is great, and I honestly love the colorful stripes and all, but um, I already look odd enough with a baby strapped to me. I don’t need the added weirdness of being a white girl trying to be all Guatamalan, you know?
So the jury is still out on whether, or how long, we try to keep this baby “in arms” ALL the time. If anything, this is a great time to do it because I have so many willing baby-holders for the rare times when whatever I’m doing is just not conducive to having a baby strapped to me. (I even have a water sling for showers, but haven’t needed to use it yet with this one.)
I know most of you are thinking I’m way over the top, isn’t this just a tad excessive? Well, yes, probably, but you know, it’s something I enjoy for the most part, and my babies seem to too.
Do tell me what you think of that article, anyone who’s interested in reading it, and also those of you who have worn your babies, how much, how often, for how long, and under what circumstances did you put them down?
Filed in: child development • parenting | April 20, 2009
Natalie
I wore Eli A LOT, (thanks to the sling you made me!) but eventually it all caught up to me and I was in pain quite a bit. So much so that I needed many many trips to the chiropractor to get things back to “normal”. But even when I was feeling good I couldn’t wear him even once without the pain immediately coming back. I do know that he was by far my easiest, quietest, most content baby. I’d like to say it was because of all the contact (and that all that pain wasn’t for naught). I really have no idea to what extent I’ll wear this next one since I’m loving not having shoulder/neck pain all the time these days. I’m planning on giving it a shot with the chiropractor ready on speed dial.
Trina
So I love slings, but I could never wear them for very long. 1-2 hours max usually less. I had a simple over the shoulder wrap. I’d nurse her in it sometimes, but it just wasn’t as convenient. I couldn’t ever seem to cook with her in it either I’d bump her into the counter or not be able to reach something in the cupboard yet alone the fear of getting to close to the stove or dropping a jar of something on her. No I loved the sling, but it definitely had a place and time. Walks, naps away from home, etc. I wanted my kids to get used to sleeping on their own for naps so I could be cleaning something or something. Well hope this helps. Carrie is so big I can’t believe it’s already been a month.
Bethany
I love you but I think you’re crazy! I know it’s fun to wear your baby and all, but ALL the time? Good for you though if that’s the way you do it! Congrats on the new baby! We were in UT a few weeks ago and saw your fam. Love them! I wish we all lived closer and could be good friends!
flowers
I’m thinking tribes were handin the babies off to aunties, grammas and older siblings, not the mother all day every day. Also, it was dangerous to place a baby down when living in a jungle. It was a safety thing.
That being said I wore both my babies a lot. I put them down to nap, but they were mostly held. One was colicky and screamed his head off and the other is a buddha baby. There are just so many factors.
Trish
I’ve never used an Ellaroo, so I can’t say how it compares, but I will say that my Ergo literally saved my back with my daughter. She has always been at or over the 95th percentile in height and weight, so using my Maya wrap or pouch became unbearable very quickly. Even though Ergos are expensive, mine got *a lot* of use since it can be used as a very comfortable back carrier for a very long time. I think they have a 95lb person on someone’s back on the website. I could theoretically still wear my 6 year old on my back if I wanted, and it’s not too bad!
gay chappell
Interesting. But I have a concern about sleeping with baby. There’s been several items in the news recently of babies smothering. I guess, if you’re alert enough in your sleep there wouldn’t be a problem. Just be aware.
flowers
The thing is that most “smotherings” occur when parents are co-sleeping unintentionally and are under the influence of drugs or alcohol. The safest place for a baby to sleep is with it’s nursing mother. Biologically proven over millions of years ;-)
Natalie
I found this video when I was looking at the Ellaroo site and thought I’d pass it on. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mztymu72l7c
Here’s the Ellaroo blog post about it. http://blog.ellaroo.com/2008/11/17/motrin/
nat
Mason was colicky and cried all the time. Joe and I carried him everywhere. He was just a crier. Keelie is the most pleasant, sweetest baby I have ever seen. Reed and Bobi, my in-laws, say she is the sweetest baby they have ever seen, (which really can’t be that many, haha) She even prefers to get down and play with toys and move around. She doesn’t like to be carried too long unless you have a necklace or fun earrings to swipe at. Kids are all just so different.
Simply Mother
Thanks for all the feedback gals!
It’s funny, after I wrote this I was very conscious all day about it and came to the conclusion that it’s just not possible in our society to keep them in arms ALL the time. (If you ever go anywhere in a car, anyway.) It really has me wondering about those cultures where the baby literally isn’t allowed to be put down for 6 months–okay, what about diaper changes? Right, they probably don’t use diapers, but see, I don’t have a dirt floor so that’s out. (Yes I know about EC. Not there.)
(I can already tell this comment’s gonna rival the original post in length.)
Anyway, my baby seems to enjoy the times when I do lay her down–she looks around and coos, and by the end of the day I’d decided I would totally put her down for naps and any other time she seemed happy and not think twice about it.
Funny thing is, since then, since giving myself “permission” to put her down? I still practically never do, just because, well, why? She falls asleep in the mei tai while I’m cleaning up breakfast and then I’m just going to go sit down and read for a bit so why not just keep her on my chest? She likes it there, I like her there, why change anything, ya know?
Trish I’ve heard nothing but goodness about the Ergo, and I met a girl at LLL the other day who has one. I might try it and see if it’s that much better than my Kozy-style mei tai and if it is, um, I can add it to my list of “Things to buy someday when we have spare money.” Hee.
No really, I’m currently trying to sell my Ellaroo and hopefully buy a solid color one–I didn’t know they had those, thanks Natalie for pointing me to their website! I’ve seen that video, of course, everybody was all up in arms about it when it came out.
Grannie (that’s who Gay Chappell is, y’all, she’s my fabulous grannie) The news is designed to scare you. Naturally it is fraught with fallacies.
I’m not gonna roll over my baby just like I don’t roll off the bed–I know where she is even while sleeping, just like I know where the edge of the is. Bed-sharing has been shown to be safe and extremely beneficial in numerous studies (and tribal women would mock us for needing studies to prove such a thing), as long as done safely (i.e. not on a couch or otherwise unsafe bed, not with a drunk, drugged, extremely obese, or overly-tired mother, etc. etc., the lists are all over the Internet.)
Here’s a compilation of stats to rest your worried mind, here’s a nice article explaining the whys, and look, a whole list of further sleep-reading for the curious. (Oh, that’s just me, huh?)
Nat You’re so right, babies bring so much with them, and there really are so many other factors that affect fussiness. Like how this baby right now is apparently not a fan of her mama eating ice cream right before a feeding. (Or maybe she just needs to fall asleep and it’s not happening in my lap with the computer screen glaring and keys typing. Guess I’ll throw her in the sling and go put the dishes away or something.)
Mary
I have one of just about every style of carrier…slings, water slings, wraps, kozy, ergo…well, everything but a pouch. I love my Kozy and have used it for 2 children now. But, if pain is an issue, I’d go for the Ergo. Not only is it great for the littlest ones, it is great as they grow. I can get my 2 1/4 yo dd in the Ergo on my back by myself and not really feel her weight. Speaking of back…that might be what you need. Putting them on the back is far more comfortable, IMHO, then the front. Take a look at the videos at the Ergo website…they show how to use it in the various positions.
I got my Ergo used and its been such a blessing.
Oh, and YEAH co-sleeping. All 3 of my babies slept snuggled in my arms until they were ready to sleep independently. And it is completely safe, as you said.
blessings, Mary