Simply Mother

Sariah just said, “Let’s pretend this toast is icky but we have to eat it.” Jane readily agreed and it is turning into a pretty elaborate game.

I know kids use play to work through things that happen to them as a way of trying to understand (or recover from, depending.) I see mine do this in various ways every day. But apparently they also work through things they see happening to other kids as well, because this isn’t something they experience.

No one forces, cajoles, manipulates or even tries much gentle persuasion to get anyone to eat things they don’t like. I figure I’d be pretty annoyed if someone kept trying to get me to eat mushrooms or olives or fish (the few food items I don’t like) even after I repeatedly refused or explained I didn’t care for it. Why would I do that to my kids?

And they’ve always been pretty good eaters. It might be hard to say which came first — like maybe if I’d had really picky eaters I would have relied on little “tactics” to get them to eat stuff — except that I knew from the very beginning that I never wanted to make an issue out of food, and we have been very deliberate about it.

It Takes a Little Trust Sometimes

Even faced with a child who seems to have taken in very little, we’ve relied on the belief that they know more about how much their bodies need than we do, and that a healthy child will take in as many calories as he needs. I also think children will generally choose the kinds of foods their bodies require (whether they need more grains one day or fruit the next) as long as they are provided with whole, nourishing options and not surrounded with nutrient-deficient fillers like crackers, chips, french fries, sugary junk, or allowed to fill up on juice or milk.

So in this house, there’s no requiring anybody to eat so many bites, no “if you eat this many vegetables, I’ll give you candy,” and we will definitely be leaving the “clean your plate” mentality behind, because, how much obesity has that caused?

Unfortunately, I still have it, and even though I would never dream of telling my child to “take one more bite” if she just said she’s full, you can often see me scrounging their leftovers — because it is a really hard thing to let go of this fear of “wasting.” And of course the certainty that all the children in China are starving because I’m throwing away my pizza crust.

Waste or Waist?

Really though, I think I have it very logically worked out in my mind. (If only I can get my body to listen!) Here’s the thing. If you’re full, then whatever’s left on your plate, assuming you’re not going to want to reheat it and eat it later, is going to be “wasted” in one way or another. If you throw it in the trash, yes, it’s a waste, and I hate to see that and do try to limit it as much as possible (mostly by only dishing out small servings at a time).

But if you eat it anyway, even though your body is telling you it’s full, well that’s still a waste because you’re putting something in your body that it doesn’t need.

If you’re faced with a little more food on your plate than your body really needs, I like to say you can either “WASTE it” (in the trash) or you can “WAIST it” (and let it accumulate around your middle!)

Not Too Picky

As I said though, they are both what people would describe as “good eaters.” Sariah became a little picky around age 4, which coincided with our life-altering move as well as several incidences of witnessing other children being bribed with food, but I’ve heard that age is a common one to become more discerning anyway, so I don’t know what caused it.

She still likes plenty of good things, but, for example, she started rejecting raw tomatoes and onions, things she’d previously loved. (We even have photographic evidence of the latter.)

In Practice

So what does this look like? Phrases such as “short-order cook” and “eat nothing but sugar all day” are going through your mind, no?

Well, I’m not, and they don’t. We do talk a lot about health and nutrition and the sugar content and nutrient types found in different foods, and both girls are very receptive to my guidance and suggestions for, say, a “healthy treat” when they’re asking for something sweet.

At dinnertime, we set out the food and everyone can take what looks appetizing and leave what doesn’t. We don’t say a lot about it, and are careful not to put any pressure on the kids to eat anything, but, more often than not, even foods they are originally wary of grow interesting enough for a taste after seeing others enjoy it. Sometimes they don’t though, and that’s okay too. They often try it the next time I serve it.

If nothing looks good, they know they can have something else that is quick and nutritious — usually a piece of fruit, raw veggies, bread, yogurt, nuts, or some reheated leftovers.

We don’t have dessert regularly, but when we do, they aren’t connected to the meal in a way that they could be used as leverage. (“If you don’t eat this, you won’t get any of this.”) If we’re having a dessert, it’s usually something special to share and enjoy as a family and we wouldn’t exclude anyone from that.

If someone didn’t eat much dinner though, we’d probably say something like, “You haven’t had much of anything with nutrients in it tonight, would you like to have some x-nutritious-thing-you-like before giving your body all this sugar?”

We’ve talked about how your body can fill up on food with no nutrients in it, so it thinks it’s full but you never have a chance to get any of the vitamins your body needs, and, again, they are just really receptive to this — they can feel, I think, that my intentions are for their well-being, and trust that I know what I’m talking about — and this question seems to only serve as a reminder for them, and they happily agree to eat something healthy first.

Hopeful

I hope we’re instilling some good things in our kids here. They seem to have a pretty healthy relationship with food — they enjoy good stuff, but they don’t eat out of boredom or gluttony (like I do!), and they stop themselves when they’re full.

If only I could learn from them. Someday they’re going to be old enough that I can’t hide Toaster Strudel in the freezer to binge on after they’re in bed.

Filed in: family • health • parenting | March 19, 2009