Simply Mother

An odd assortment of adoring my own kids, parenting struggles and insights, and a slight cookie addiction. All in one gigantic blog post.

Cuteness

When Jade was about 14 months old, Sarah had just turned four AND we had just made a major, complicated move and she was having a bit of a rough time. One of the things she became stressed about was Jade nursing, so we invented “cuddles,” where Sarah would just snuggle up in the crook of my arm. The stressful situation didn’t last that long, but the name stuck and anytime anybody assumed that position, they were dubbed “having cuddles.”

One day when Jade was not quite two she fell and hurt her armpit and whimpered, “Ow, my cuddle.”

I found out tonight that she apparently still believes that is the name for this particular area of the body. During her regular toothbrushing acrobatics (she doesn’t resist it, she just likes to play during the process), she somehow managed to end up with spit on her shoulder.

“It got on my cuddle,” she said.

Sweetness

Considering my renewed interest in recording more of the positive, I had to write this down. Tonight 2-year-old Jade fell face first off a chair onto our tile floor.

Okay, that’s not so positive, but her 5-year-old sister’s response was. She first ran into the bedroom to get her a new shirt (because she was holding a cup of hot chocolate at the time of the fall, and first thing Sarah noticed was that Jade’s shirt was completely covered in it).

Then as I was holding Jade, putting ice on her quickly-becoming-fat lip, Sarah busily ran around getting blankets and dolls to stuff around her sister to help her feel better.

Then she noticed the chocolate-covered floor and ran to get a towel to start mopping up the mess!

She’s a sweetheart, isn’t she? Where does she get it? Not from me, that’s for sure. I’m just hoping maybe I can absorb some of it if I hang around my kids long enough–and remember to write these kinds of things down more so they become my focus, rather than always just trying to figure out what to do about the things that drive me crazy.

Crazy-Making

For instance. (I can’t help it.) We are solidly in the stage of Exactness. And by that I mean the one where everything you say has to be perfectly and utterly Correct (according to Sarah-standards, anyway) or it will be corrected. With much vehemence.

Did I say “book on tape” and it’s actually a cd? Certainly this requires the cessation of all further conversation until the utmost attention is paid to this highly crucial detail and TRUTH IS RESTORED!!

As you may guess, this stage is particularly cumbersome when there is also a two-year-old in the house. Two-year-old’s are not known for their vernacular perfection.

But I know it is a normal stage. And not permanent. Not permanent. Not permanent. Will NOT last forever. Someday, maybe I’ll even miss this cute reminder of her growing awareness of the world and all its variety and the subtle nuances of language and society. Ahem. Not permanent. Not permanent.

Correcting

To be honest though, I kind of hoped we might avoid this stage, seeing as how we don’t correct her. I mean, I don’t think we do. Not like that anyway. Definitely not with anything related to speech, writing, reading, or any of the things she is so insistent on everyone else being correct about.

I grew up in a family where it was totally normal and not at all offensive to correct each other all the time–be it grammar, an insignificant detail in a story, or the words in a song–anything. Even now, if you ever get a bunch of us together, you’ll be sure to hear someone reprovingly say, “Well” if anyone dares to tell how they did something “good.”

Matt’s family could not be more different. It is HIGHLY offensive, even with all the good intentions in the world, to suggest that, oh, say, “I should have tooken that test yesterday” isn’t exactly considered proper English. (I learned this lesson early, don’t worry. And, considering my upbringing, I have adapted spectacularly to at least this one teeny area of wifehood.)

So with my husband’s insistence that it is just plain rude, combined with my belief that children need to feel free to make mistakes without being jumped on all the time (and so that they can find the mistakes themselves, and learn a lot more in the process of self-correction than in having someone point it out), our kids really don’t hear much correcting going on.

Yet now WE are getting jumped on all the time! Go figure.

I did have a little bit of insight this morning though. I think I have been so quick to correct myself–wanting to avoid the exasperated, “No-oooooo, it’s not xxxxxxxxxxx. It’s yyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!” I was trying to think of what lesson I’m teaching her, by succumbing to her fervor over this teeny little detail and hurrying to get it right. at. all. costs–quick, before somebody’s head explodes!

I don’t know about this for sure, but here’s the thought that came into my mind. I’ll just let the big “Noooooo” thing play out, not ignoring her by any means, but not rushing to correct myself either, just looking at her and trying to acknowledge her seriousness. Not being dismissive, but also not giving it undue attention. And then, depending on what it is, I think I might just say something like, “I’m okay with my mistake,” smile, and move on. Or maybe, “Thanks for letting me know,” smile, and move on.

My thought is, I want to reinforce my belief that it’s okay to make mistakes. And that some aren’t such a big deal and don’t even need correcting. But I also don’t want to make her believe that she is “wrong” in any way for wanting things to be correct, or for simply just being in this stage of development (that she can’t even help!) where it is so important for her to notice imperfections. Which is why I don’t want to completely ignore it, or ask her not to do it.

I have talked with her a bit about how Jade needs to hear more “Yes’s” at this age, and ways of reframing what we want to tell her so it comes out as a “Yes, you want to X. Here’s a way to do that that works for me,” rather than “No, Stop, Don’t” all the time. She gets it, and often can readily come up with ways to do it. Not always though.

It feels like such a balance sometimes. Not wanting to jump all over the older one with reminders when she is just acting out a normal phase of her development–but that phase happens to involve a lot of jumping all over the little one!

How to protect the little one’s sense of confidence without stomping on the older’s, that is the question.

Different Kind of Sweetness

One more thing: Y’all, I’m in love. I have searched and searched for the perfect chocolate chip cookie recipe. Or at least one that didn’t require overnight refrigeration to not turn out flat little pancakes with chocolate chip peaks.

I don’t remember how I stumbled upon this food blog, but I knew I added to my reader for a reason. These are delicious.

Filed in: child development • cuteness • family • parenting • recipes | March 5, 2009