Simply Mother

With both of my first babies, I had pretty intense contractions almost every night for several weeks before baby actually arrived. And so it has begun.

I’m only 33 weeks. Too early, I think, to be running around trying to get all ready for baby–because there’s really not all that much to do, and then I’d be done and be all like, What? I still have two more months?!

I mentioned we did get out the newborn clothes and diapers, but that was mostly for fun and to get the girls excited, though maybe they didn’t need any help with that. They are already SO excited for Baby Carrie (or so she’ll be called online.)

One indication, Jade recently entertained me with this monologue:

Do you know Baby Carrie’s gonna be a baby like I’m a baby? I’m gonna teach her how to play with all my toys and show her all my books and show her that we don’t eat books. I will read them to her!

Yeah, she still claims Baby status sometimes. Though she will admit she’s “getting bigger, but still kind of little.” Both girls love to caress and kiss my belly and talk to their baby sister, telling her they can’t wait for her to come out.

So they’re ready–at least, they think they are. I don’t know if I’m quite ready emotionally. Three kids. This feels like it’s going to be very different.

Right now I have a lot of time with both girls, together and apart.

Hi, Tangent

And, kind of sadly, they are sooo much more enjoyable when they’re apart! I wish this wasn’t so! I mean, they play marvelously together–when it is just the two of them.

Somehow adding a parent to the mix–or maybe it’s just me–really gets in the way of the otherwise natural back-and-forth, give-and-take sort of flow they have with each other when they play. I don’t know how to undo this, or if it’s just the stage and we’ll get through it.

But I really, really enjoy spending time with both girls–when it’s just one on one. And it gets to be kind of a drain–not every time, but a lot of the time–when it’s the three of us. It’s usually better when the whole family is there though, so maybe it’s just a problem of balance. Or perhaps the “Three’s a crowd” maxim is at play here.

/Tangent

I wish I could see into the future to know what it’s going to be like with a third one. (Anyone with experience, please volunteer all useful information!) I probably shouldn’t, but I worry Jade is going to have hard time with it. She is still very attached to me–securely for sure, and she doesn’t have any problem leaving me for nursery and babysitters or anything. She’s very confident.

I guess what I mean is she is still in the very lovey, lovey stage. She likes to cuddle and be close. She’s sweet–oh, so SWEET! Even in her half sleepy states, she will roll over and put her teeny little arms around your head, stroke your face with her chubby little hands, and whisper about how much she loves you.

Right now she doesn’t have anyone around to rock her boat. She is the baby and she knows it. She has full access to my lap and cuddles and affection anytime she needs it because Sarah’s beyond that stage. I know I’ll have to focus on encouraging Jade to keep all her confidence when another baby gets here and starts hogging my lap all the time.

Luckily she absolutely adores Matt, and he is around a lot and likes to give the kids lots of attention. I know it will be a tremendous blessing because it won’t feel like being passed off to “second class” or something if he is there to attend to her when I’m busy with Baby. Daddy is first class all the way!

But I know sometimes that doesn’t matter, and “first class” will be whoever happens to be holding the perceived rival.

But I shouldn’t be talking like this. It’s possible none of this will be a problem at all. Jade does have an older sister to cling to and identify with as “One of the Big Sisters,” rather than the “Replaced Baby.” She is confident now and excited for a new baby sister. I managed to make sure Sarah didn’t feel snubbed when Jade came. We can do it again.

Still . . . there’s me. I am sort of ambivalent. I hasn’t really hit me that there’s another baby on her way, and honestly, it probably won’t until she shows up. A mother of three. Why is this hard for me to think about?

I’ve always wanted lots of kids. And they’re arriving much slower than we ever anticipated. This shouldn’t be hard.

I hope I’m not misrepresenting myself–I’m not sad or anything. I’m really excited to meet this wild little thing that I’m pretty sure must have about 39 legs for all the moving around I’m feeling. Just–not sure I’m ready. It’s coming quickly.

Filed in: child development • family • parenting • pregnancy • self-reflection | February 12, 2009