Simply Mother

We had a wonderful lesson a couple of months ago in Relief Society (the women’s organization in my church) on this talk. The discussion centered on self-discipline and self-mastery. A few thoughts I started working through right after the lesson, and finally realized I’m never going to get around to polishing them off.

I’m publishing anyway–because some of you seem to enjoy listening to the incoherent ramblings of my mind. ;)

(If you don’t happen to be LDS, some of the references in this post may not make much sense. I’m not even sure I make sense to my LDS friends, but anyway. Feel free to ask.)

The first is probably just a matter of semantics, but I’m thinking there isn’t really any such thing as self-discipline, and certainly not self-mastery. Can we really do anything wholly of ourselves? I think, whether we know it or not, we are always being helped in our successes. I know this because anytime I start to think, “Hey, I’m doing pretty good at this . . . ” I am immediately humbled in some way or another.

It’s startling how frequently this happens. Any time I catch myself thinking something like, “Hey, I’m doing pretty well today–I’m being a great mom.” Or, “My kids are really thriving and it’s probably because I . . . ” –oh, you can bet something will happen almost instantly to serve as a reminder that I am not all I’d like to crack myself up to be! (Usually it is something like, I will lose my temper over something really slight, and say something hurtful, right after thinking I’ve been doing really well at controlling my temper!)

I’ll probably continue to talk about “self” mastery just like everyone else, but I am growing more and more aware that this life is about learning to rely on the Savior–and remembering it is only because of Him that I’m managing as well as I am!

Also, the teacher asked the question, “How do we know what we need to work on?” I had to laugh a little inside. Oh boy, just tell me where to begin! Well, okay, she did explain that that’s basically what she meant: Obviously we’re far from perfect, but how do I know what I need to work on now?

But this brought all kinds of thoughts to my mind, the first being: Wait till your daughter gets just a bit older. Or maybe till you have more than one. You won’t be at any loss for things you need to learn to do better or areas in which you need more growth RIGHT AWAY!

That is my experience anyway. So what does this mean? Does raising children really bring out the worst in us? That doesn’t sound quite right, put that way, but . . .

I’ve been saying for a long time that I understand why marriage and family are so vital to Heavenly Father’s plan for the perfection of His children. It is only in this kind of close-knit, committed type of relationship that we are really impelled to reflect on ourselves, our own thoughts, feelings and behavior, and, the way I see it, we are left with only two options.

1. Stay the same (which, I don’t know about you, but if you’re like most humans, that probably involves being at least a little bit selfish and impulsive, and quite possibly on some level controlling, manipulative, dishonest . . . this list is pretty much endless, and not very uplifting, so maybe I’ll stop there!), and . . . BE MISERABLE.

OR

2. Change.

Those are honestly the only two choices, as far as I can tell. I guess it IS that simple though. Wickedness never was happiness and all that. The way I see it, our Father in Heaven tells us what we need to do to be happy–He has given us the outline, how to find joy. We either do it, and be happy, or don’t, and be miserable.

But my point is that families really are the best way to achieve this. In what other institution do you have to learn to get along, to work through tough situations–over and over, to consider the feelings and needs of other people ABOVE your own–in order to achieve not only their happiness, but your own as well?

I know it can happen, I know it does happen–there are those who succeed in becoming really great, selfless, charitable people even without having the opportunity to have a family. But what I’m saying is, the family way is the fast track.

Even before children, two people coming together from different backgrounds, trying to make their way in the world, heck, even just in the home–things like discussing who’s responsible for the dishes getting washed and the trash going out–the instances in which we are called upon to take the Christlike route are not rare.

And upon having children, you can multiply them by about a sixty million.

Filed in: self-reflection • spiritual | January 12, 2009