Simply Mother

Our second daughter, born medication-free in the hospital weighing 7lbs 2oz and measuring 19 inches long.

Dilation is NO Indicator!

At my 36 week appointment, I ask to be checked, positive that the contractions I’ve been experiencing for weeks were intense enough to be doing something. Sure enough, I am already dilated to a 4, 75% effaced, with her head at a 0 station (aka, engaged).

Thus fooled into believing labor is eminent, we invite Matt’s mom to go ahead and fly out. Baby has other plans, however, and doesn’t make her debut until just two days before 40 weeks.

Prolonging The Beginning

5:00 a.m. I get up to use the bathroom (as per my usual hourly visit every night for the past 9 months!) This time, though, I notice a very slight tinge of pink. It is so slight that I convince myself I’m imagining it and go back to bed. I don’t want to get my hopes up, but also, I’m just plain too tired for labor to be starting right now! I’ve hardly slept.

I continue to ignore and push away thoughts of labor even as I notice a bit of fluid coming out while I lie there, and even as I can’t help but recognize the contractions are coming regularly every 9 or 10 minutes. They’re not painful but definitely noticeable, and intense.

I face the facts though when I get up to go to the bathroom again and a lot more extra fluid pours out. Back to bed I go, though, still too tired to get started, but I do snuggle up to Matt and tell him I’m pretty sure my membranes have ruptured.

And it’s back to sleep for both of us!

7:00 We hear Jan (Matt’s mom) wake up so we tell her we think it’s going to happen today. She asks what we want her to do and I ask her if she’ll make brownies for the nursing staff (to give along with the birth plan, so they’ll be nice to me and be less likely to balk at my wishes.)

She thinks I’m a little nuts (Your water broke? Shouldn’t we be on our way to the hospital?) but she’s nice and starts them anyway.

Eventually Matt gets up and starts gathering things to take to the hospital, but I’m still not ready to wake up, so I stay in bed.

As long as I’m lying down, the contractions stay 10 minutes apart, but if I get up at all, I have another one, even if I just had one a minute before. I’m purposefully trying to prolong it because I just don’t have enough energy to go through with labor quite yet. And labor waits for me. (Aren’t our bodies amazing?)

OK, OK, I’ll go

8-ish I finally get up and the contractions immediately become more frequent–about 7 minutes apart. I tell Matt and Mom that I just don’t feel like it’s urgent yet. The contractions aren’t even half as strong as I’ve been experiencing every night for the past 8 weeks–how can this be active labor?

They think I’m crazy and convince me to at least page the midwife on call. I take a shower, throw in a load of laundry, talk with Sariah and start getting her ready. The midwife is not calling back and Matt and Mom think I should call the hospital, so I do, and of course they tell me if my water broke 3 hours ago, I should come right in! They would take over trying to get a hold of the midwife.

When the washer cycle finishes, I put the clothes in the dryer and we pile in the car with all our supplies. Mom keeps track of the contractions–6 minutes apart, but in between them there is nothing and I really don’t believe I’m ready to be going to the hospital.

Pit Stop

9:30 We’re almost there and I suddenly feel kind of hungry. Already worried about getting to the hospital too early, now I’m really concerned I’ll be hungry and they won’t let me eat. I say I want something with fruit in it and a smoothie would be perfect.

We start driving around looking for a Jamba Juice, meanwhile Jan is incredibly anxious and thinking this is completely insane (but too polite to worry me with her worries). Not finding anything, we decide to go to Wendy’s for a frosty, but they’re still closed and I suddenly decide I’m really hungry and want FOOD, so we go to McDonald’s and I eat 1/2 a Sausage McMuffin as we drive the rest of the way to the hospital.

The Triage Room

10:00 Upon arrival, I’m having a contraction and suddenly not hungry at all so I pass the food to Sariah as Jan drops Matt and I off at the doors and goes to park the car.

We have to go to the triage room and do the mandated 20 minutes of monitoring, even though they know I’ll be staying because my water is broken and I’m dilated to a 5.

As I sit on the hospital bed, all strapped down and hooked up to their monitors, the tech is staring at a computer screen, going through a questionnaire and asking me questions like what have I eaten and what medicines have I taken in the last 24 hours. There are also perfectly bizarre and irrelevant questions to ask a woman in labor, like, “Have you experienced any physical abuse in your home in the last 12 months?”

Finally a nurse is assigned to me and she takes over for the tech. Her name is Becky and she’s very nice except she’s wearing strong perfume and I wonder why anyone working with laboring women would wear strong perfume.

She asks if there’s anything particular I want to do and I tell her I just want to get into a hot bath and Matt gives her our birth plan.

The contraction strengthen suddenly. Becky notices and can tell I’m experiencing them in my thighs and hips so she shows Matt how to push on my knees to relieve the pressure.

It is heaven. When he does that, the contraction just melts away and I can’t even tell when it ends. (We learned this and other methods in Hypnobirthing, but it’s hard to remember it all in the moment, so I was so glad I had a nurse who knew what to do.) He continues to do the knee thing during contractions until the mandated 20 minutes is over and I’m allowed to go to my room.

Off to the Tub

10:20 Becky asks if I want a wheel chair or would rather walk and I say I can walk but as soon as I get off the bed a contraction comes and I automatically bend down to the floor to handle it. Someone walks by and says maybe I need a wheelchair but Becky says, “I think she’s just having a contraction. She wants to walk,” and I hear someone else suggest I get checked before I get in the tub.

I consent and Becky checks me right there as soon as the contraction is over and says I’m open 6 cm.

I get up off the floor and in a dreamy-like daze I walk right to my room, shake off the hospital gown, and slip right into the waiting hot bath. Heaven again!

Relaxing

The water is truly amazing. I turn on the jets and just relax. Matt turns on the Rainbow Relaxation CD from Hypnobirthing, but it is mostly in the background, I don’t know how much I’m even paying attention to it.

The water is starting to feel too hot and since my belly is sticking out of the water anyway, I ask Matt to use the flexible shower nozzle to spray cool water on it.

My sweet almost 3-year-old Sariah comes in and stands by my side. I hear her adorable little voice reassuring me, “It’s okay Mommy, I’m here. Daddy’s here. It’s okay.”

Soon I ask Matt to “do that thing to my knees” again during the contractions so he gets down to the end of the tub to take care of that and Sariah takes over holding the shower nozzle.

Woah, Can I handle this?

Suddenly the contractions become so intense and so close together–it feels like there is no time between them at all! I feel myself getting nervous. Up until now, the relaxation, Matt’s counter-pressure, and the water have kept me feeling completely under control, but this is suddenly so powerful! I’m afraid I am losing my relaxed state, never to get it back. I am afraid of this magnificent force inside me!

How much stronger can it get? I’m only at a 6, can I really handle several more hours like this?

It is like one, huge, incredibly long contraction and now it is actually in my abdomen as much as my legs and Matt’s knee-press thing isn’t enough! The water is cooling off too much and I’m feeling cold! I start dunking my head under water because it feels better, but then my stomach sticks out too much!

I call out, “I just want to take a break!” and instantly the infinite contraction relents a little–enough for me to rest and refocus.

It starts up again and Becky is finally in the room and she gets down at my level, tells me to look at her and breathe, breathe, and I do, and it is so helpful just to have someone’s eyes to focus on, although I think I am (unintentionally) breathing differently than she is instructing. I am doing the long, slow breath in and out that I’ve been practicing for Hypnobirthing.

Again I am wondering how I’m going to handle this for another few hours and then I hear myself saying, “I feel like I need to push!” but even I don’t believe it’s possible and I seriously don’t expect anyone else to believe me. I think my body is lying because it’s only been about 15 minutes since I was at a 6 and got in the tub!

Pushing Time Already?

Incredibly, Becky does believe me, at least enough to say, “I think I better check her,” and go to the end of the tub where Matt is still so patiently pushing on my knees.

Being checked during a contraction hurts tremendously but there is literally no time in between them so what could she do? Anyway I forget all about it when she surprises and relieves us all with the simple sentence, “She’s complete.”

But then, “We need to get her out of this tub.”

“Nooooo, I don’t want to move.” (I don’t care where the baby comes out, water or no, I just can’t even fathom trying to move myself out of any position at this point.) I wonder briefly why they can’t just help me stand up and deliver the baby in the tub, but out of the water.

But somehow I am helped out of the tub and into the room. In a complete, natural haze I crawl up onto the bed on my hands and knees and find my body is pushing the baby down.

I hear someone ask, “Who’s the doctor,” and Becky says, “The midwife isn’t here. We’re delivering this baby. This baby’s coming now!”

She tells me I need to turn over and I ask why I have to move. Even in my dreamy state I’m remembering something about hands-and-knees position being great for delivery and I’m surprised that I just got in that position without thinking. But also because of my dreamy state, I am easily led into submission when she tells me it is really hard to control the tearing in that position and it would be much better if I could turn over. (From all I’ve read since then, this is untrue. That position is excellent for pushing. It just isn’t especially convenient for the birth assistant.)

I’m disappointed–it feels so good like this, and again I can’t fathom how to make my body move–it seems to be in control of itself at this point and I am only following it’s lead. But somehow, again with help from everyone around me, I get turned over.

I am pushing throughout all of this but it is just a very natural bearing down–no one is coaching me or anything. Actually, I can’t even imagine being coached or how it would do any good because my body is just doing it and I am listening to my body and doing what feels right.

I’m not pushing hard by any means, but I’m not just sitting here either. I am blowing out slowly and steadily–the “breathing down” they teach in Hypnobirthing, but it just comes so naturally–my body really knows what it’s doing and again, I’m just following it’s lead.

I pause naturally for a few seconds when the contraction subsides and then start bearing down and blowing out again without even thinking about it when it comes back a few seconds later.

And She’s Out!

10:57 Pushing is a relief! I have been so afraid of this part so I am surprised at how good it feels! But it’s also hard, and I let out a pretty loud noise and Sariah gets scared and Jan takes her out. As they are going, I feel bad because they both wanted to be here and I start shouting, “No, no, come back, it’s okay, I’ll be quiet!” but they go anyway and I’m still calling out, “Somebody go get them; tell them to come back in!”

But I am wrapped up in the intensity of it all again and now suddenly it feels like I have to poop and I get so embarrassed, afraid I’m going to poop in front of everyone!

“I feel like I’m pooping! Is that a head or is it poop? I don’t want it to be poop! Is that really her head?” I exclaim, and someone reassures, “It’s a head, don’t worry!” And then it is out! Her head is out and then her body slips out too!

I can’t believe how easy it was! There wasn’t any straining involved or any pushing that was ineffective. With every second of bearing down I could feel her moving down and then coming out!

Immediately After Birth

Someone plops her on my tummy and she is all purply-gray and beautiful and I am amazed to see her kind of scooting up toward my breast. Jan brings Sariah back in and I ask someone to help her get right up on the bed, above my shoulder. Baby still on me, the nurse rubs her with a blanket and then puts oxygen by her nose and she pinks right up and I help her get latched on (she is already rooting around looking for something to eat! I’m so amazed that she knows instinctively what to do) and she starts nursing right away.

I am just enjoying her so much and am still in kind of a delirious state and it seems everyone else is taking care of things around me. I hear Becky say the cord is has stopped pulsating, is it okay to cut it now and I say yes and she asks Matt if he wants to do it and he does.

The Angry Doctor

Not being able to get a hold of the midwife, the hospital staff eventually paged the doctor on call at the midwife clinic. He missed the birth, but shows up to help deliver the placenta. I am not really aware of his presence, still in my post-birth delirium, but I do hear someone saying something about “just giving the cord a little tug and the placenta will come right out.

Isn’t that the ‘cord traction’ I specifically state in birth plan that I don’t want because it can be dangerous? It is only a passing thought, and I am still too much in my own world to say anything about it. Luckily everything is fine.

But suddenly there are some sharp, horrible pains in my nether regions that bring me out of my delirious state.

“Ow!” I call out–not having any idea what is going on down there–and suddenly there is a strange man touching my vagina and yelling at me!

Yelling!

“Hey, I’m just doing my job here!” “You have some tears and I am trying to sew you up!” “I’m just doing the same thing I’ve done to thousands of other women,” and a whole slew of more sarcastic and rude comments come hurling at me from this guy who is at the same time manhandling my highly sensitive girly bits that just pushed a baby through them!

I am so stunned, wondering what in the world I have done to elicit such a response from someone I’ve never seen in my life and I am almost to the point of tears but thankfully the nurse reaches over and touches him and tells him to calm down.

When that isn’t enough, my sweet husband also comes to my rescue by asking him to please speak gently to me, I just gave birth after all. But the doctor yells at him too, going off about how he’s treating me the same way he would treat his wife (Matt remarks later, “I feel sorry for his wife!”)

Because it is so obvious that he is completely out of line–and that everyone else in the room recognizes that he is, I feel enough support that I don’t get too emotional about it. I actually feel a little sorry for this man who it seems is not mature enough to handle someone telling him he is hurting her!

Is he seriously offended that I said “ouch” when he none-too-gently started messing around with my still swollen and incredibly tender perineum? (In contrast, when the nurse was checking my cervix during transition and I shouted “Owwww” she remained relaxed and just responded with, “I’m sorry honey, ut I have to make sure there’s no cervix in the way.” She wasn’t upset at all. I would expect people who work with laboring women for a living not to be offended when one of them makes a noise of pain!)

Matt’s impression is a bit different. He thinks the doctor is just annoyed at being called in (which theory the midwife confirms later, even though it makes no sense–he was the doctor on call! Apparently he was hoping not to be though–he did come into the room all dressed for a day of golf!) and that I’m not drugged up because it means he has to take more time and be more careful.

The nurse tells me later that he was not being gentle at all, and that doctors really don’t realize how sensitive that area is after birth and aren’t used to being gentle because virtually all of their patients are medicated. She feels horrible for the way he acted, and she and the midwife (who arrived too late to do anything, excusing herself basically by saying she stayed up too late!) chide him for two hours before he finally comes and offers a rather insincere apology. (“Hey, I’m sorry, but I was just doing my job.”)

The nurse also bring in a gift basket for me, and she and the midwife tell me this is far from the first occurrence like this with this OB, and they encourage me to write a letter to the hospital administrator, which I do. (They sent me flowers and made a phone call to tell me it was being taken care of “through the proper channels.”)

Reflections

We were in the hospital for less than an hour before she was born, so I guess it’s a good thing Jan and Matt pressured me to go! The brownies and the exercise ball never even made it out of the car.

I was very happy with how well the relaxation worked. I really only felt what could be described as pain at the very, very end, and even then, it was mostly out of fear–once I found out I was complete and could let my body push, everything was better again.

We stayed in the hospital the rest of the day but went home the next afternoon, even though the insurance would have paid for another night. I was more comfortable in my own home, and I really didn’t want to stay another night away from Sariah.

It was Father’s Day when I came home so my mom came over and made lasagna and my family and Jan and Ster all ate dinner with us. I really enjoyed having them there and being in the comfort of my home. No one took my newborn baby from me, though of course they were all willing to hold her when I needed and help with everything else so I could relax and stay lying down as much as possible.

More Birth Stories?

Read about my first birth here.

Or my third, a homebirth, < a href="http://simplymother.com/2009/03/26/third-birth-story">here.

Filed in: birth stories • family • health • pregnancy | June 17, 2006